Let the Music Lead the Way

It's Sunday afternoon. Halloween. I'm in my office, catching up on overdue variance reports and planning for the whirlwind next two weeks brought on by a flash of brilliance had by my boss in a meeting last week. Speaking of last week, it was a hot mess. And that's putting it mildly. But we all survived, had an awesomely fun Halloween dance last night for all the individuals we serve in our programs, and have a lot to get excited for and look forward to in November and December. Wow. Tomorrow is November. Hard to believe I've been working here almost an entire year.

Another very exciting thing in my life is that when I came in today, my computer all of a sudden had sound capabilities. I like to think it's just karma coming my way after baking brownies for the IT guys on a semi-regular basis. Regardless. I can listen to PANDORA while working now, which I am certain will help me focus a bit. An hour or so into my being here, an old familiar song came on. This song holds a very special place in my heart, because it helped me make a major life decision. Let me explain...

I started work on my master's degree at Indiana State in the fall of 2007. It only took my first professor in my first course to stand up and say that a career in recreation was pointless because there was no money in it to get me to start seriously rethinking my decision from the start. I figured I could at least give it the old college try (pun intended) and stick it out the semester. A few weeks in I met with an undergraduate professor who sang a very different tune and wanted to get me involved with his various courses, research, and even got me a job. When he asked if I intended to stay there, I told him I still wasn't sure, but was leaning towards leaving in December.

He encouraged me to apply for the Student Camp Leadership Academy that November. I attended and went back to Indiana set on leaving school and figuring out my life as I went along. In the meantime, my sister had introduced me to the music of a singing fellow named Jon McLaughlin. I downloaded his entire first album after only listening to one song. And in the midst of all my life's confusion at the time, I grabbed my iPod and went for a walk around campus. I'm not even kidding when I say that the first song that came on was one by this McLaughlin guy and it was called Indiana. I didn't think much of it at first, until it got to the very end. But I'll let you read the lyrics and see for yourself:

I'm glad i never lived next to the water
So I could never get used to the beach
And I'm glad I never grew up on a mountain
To figure out how high the world could reach
I love the miles between me and the city
Where I quietly imagine every street
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment
I'm glad she never fell in love with me

For some the world's a treasure to discover
And your scenery should never stay the same
And they're trading in their dreams for Explanations
All in an attempt to entertain

But I love the miles between me and the city
Where I quietly imagine every street
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment
I'm glad she never fell in love with me

The trick of love is to never let it find you
It's easy to get over missing out
I know the how's and whens, but now and then,
She's all I think about

I wonder how it feels to be famous
But wonder is as far as I will go
Because I'd probably lose myself in all the Pictures
And end up being someone I don't know.

So it's probably best I stay in Indiana
Just dreaming of the world as it should be
Where every day is a battle to convince myself
I'm glad she never fell in love with me

Needless to say, I stayed. I don't regret it for a second. I made some absolutely amazing friends, learned a lot about myself, about life, and about making it work. I met Micah the following semester, and he kinda saved my life this summer when I needed to hire a last minute nature program leader...now he's working full time here and is a major player in this whirlwind two weeks coming our way. David and Inga and I quickly became practically inseparable. I got to travel, present at conferences and teach an occasional class. Once I left, I missed Indiana more than I ever expected to or thought I could. Every time I drive past someone with an Indiana license plate now, I cross my fingers and hope they see the Indiana State sticker on my car...and know that they're not alone in the big city.

I'm obviously still a big believer in signs. If I wasn't before, how could I not be after that song just HAPPENED to pop up first in a random playlist when I was taking a walk to figure out my life? Yeah, it was a pretty short walk.

So when I heard that song come on Pandora just now, I was comforted by the reassurance in his voice. I started thinking about how the gods of music just seem to give you what you need when you need it. Which brings me to my next point. My lease on my current apartment is up at the end of December. The rent is going up in 2011, as is the water/gas/trash/sewage bill, AND they are adding a $3 per month fee to process my rent payment. REALLY? I have to pay to pay my rent?!? So I clearly need to move, but am having trouble finding a place. So I got to thinking that if I have to move, should I just move across town or should I make it worth it and really move somewhere else and do something different? I mean, I hadn't really planned to stay here very long anyway.

When I say work was a hot mess last week, I mean it. But I'm just going to leave it at that. What it means for me, though, is that my job is changing a bit. And I think the changes are going to keep it interesting enough (not that it was ever a boring job by ANY means) that I'll be happy here for a few more years. Especially since I can now make a case to live in a more rural part of the state and still be able to be close to work. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have a little bit of an itch for a change in scenery. Except immediately after Indiana came on Pandora, was this song by The Afters:

One Moment Away

Wake up and smile
Put on a tie
Walk to the car
And wave goodbye
Radio onY
ou're singing along
It's all gonna change but how could you know

You're one moment away
One chance left to take
And you're gone
Are they gonna remember you for running away
Or saving the day from the darkness
And letting your love shine through
What will you do
You're one moment away

Eyes are on you
The pressure is on
Where will you stand when the lines have been drawn
The clocks have all stopped, the story's been told
This is your life, so how will it show

No you can't pretend that forever
Will never come knocking at your door

Run through the flames
Never look back
What did you think that you came here for?

I truly don't know what this song is about. It kind of has some suicidal undertones. And it also kinda feels like a woman with a large presence is telling me to quit crying about life, make a decision, and live with it. The last line really got to me though. What DID I come here for? I came here to work, to learn, to make friends, and, forgive the cliche, to try and make a difference. I know I've achieved the first three, and the fourth really isn't for me to decide anyway. So I'm gonna hang around here, keep the music playing, and see where we go next...

Up to my Old Tricks

One of my earliest posts tells the tale of how I had a full on conversation with a park ranger in the middle of the night and have no recollection of the events. So it's no secret that I do funny things in my sleep.

Last night, Kashmir was driving me and Micah back from dinner. We were in my car, but Kashmir likes to drive because otherwise she gets really bad carsick. And it's also a commonly known fact that I generally prefer to be chaufferred around than to drive myself. I am also partial to the backseat.

On the drive home I apparently fell into a deep enough sleep that I started having some sort of dream. Kashmir tells me that out of the blue, I started giggling, which progressed into snorting, and then petered out into nothing. Kashmir also tells me that she had to slow down because both she and Micah were in tears laughing at my sleep laughter.

And then when we got back, the conversation went something like this:

Kashmir: Bekah!

Me: WHAT?!

Kashmir: Wake up!

Me: THE STRAWBERRIES GO IN THE MIDDLE!

Heaven only knows.....

An Ode to BIO

I got news today that my favorite teacher from the 20 years I spent in K-graduate school passed away. He taught me three years of high school biology, and oh, so much more than that. His death saddens me. He was one of those people you internally assumed would just live forever. As if the world would not continue spinning if he were no longer on it. However, I do find it kind of fitting in a few different ways.

First, he was so dedicated to his science that he planned on giving every moment of his life and his afterlife to the never-ending crusade to stamp out ignorance. I don't know all the details of his death, but I do know that he had brain cancer. And instead of using conventional treatments, he was volunteering to be a guinea pig for different experimental ones. I assume he was of the mindset that the experiments might work and they might not, but we will never move forward unless we test them out. What courage it takes to be willing to sacrifice for the betterment of humanity.

Secondly, in my most recent post I mentioned that I wanted to be a writer some day. And one idea I always toyed with came to me one day in AP Biology, while we were learning about ears. It would be a memoir chronicling all the life lessons that are unknowingly learned in high school. I specifically remember this day...even down to what I was wearing. A long gray skirt and white polo (oh, how I loved that dress code!). The lesson was about the little hairs inside our ears that are lined up shortest to tallest, each picking up a different frequency. In order to help us visualize the subject matter, he had us climb up on a row of desks in the back of the room and line up shortest to tallest. The life lesson here wasn't necessarily about ears, but about helping people remember things...by making them memorable. Lining up in order of height on the floor along the side of the room would have been like any other day. And sitting here today, I wouldn't remember that the hairs inside our ears are organized in such a way.

And third, over his long teaching career, he influenced countless students. So many, I'm sure, that there is no way to measure his true impact. Some students loved him, others loathed him, but I think it's safe to say that we all respected him. And we all most likely have at least one great story to tell. But I'd like to share a few of my favorites...

Before high school began, I had heard horror stories about this man. I had heard that his classes were so hard people begged to be transferred out. I was told he made students come to school at 5AM to study and prepare for his classes. So needless to say I was less than impressed when I got to school for the first day of freshman year and found myself in his homeroom class. He handed out our schedules and I was relieved to find that I had been assigned to another teacher for Biology I. There was a God. And he loved me. Then it was time to find our lockers and practice our combinations. It took a few tries, but I finally figured out the whole combination lock thing. And inside was a Tootsie Pop. We slowly realized that everyone in our homeroom had the same treat, but no other homerooms did. So maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all.

Sixth period rolled around on that first day and I walked into an over-crowded biology class. The teacher came in and said that this period had obviously been double-booked and that half of us were being moved next door. I did the math and realized that my homeroom was on one side and the chemistry lab was on the other. The teacher literally went down the attendance list and called every other name and sent us next door to the lion's den.

I. Was. Terrified.

Homeroom I could handle. But I didn't want to spend the next nine months going in to school at 5AM. I quickly learned, though, that the whole 5AM thing was just an open invitation. He was there because he covered morning detentions. And he allowed any of his students to come in and get extra help whenever they felt they needed it. But you had to know the trick. And that was that you had to climb the embankment outside his classroom window and knock on the glass so he could meet you at the end of the hall and let you in the door. I did this on several occasions over the three years I spent in his classroom and every time I felt kind of like a super stealthy spy.

One of my favorite memories is of him standing in the hallway during class-change times with a lifeguard whistle, telling the misbehaving students to kindly remove themselves from the gene pool. And the funny way he would always clarify that he called his wife Kay, because that was, in fact, her name. I loved playing his neck-tie game. This man had a tie collection to rival my collection of colored flats from Aldo. If you caught him on a day that he repeated a tie and could tell him the date he last wore it, you got bonus points on your next test. He was old-school; he had his first period class stand up and say the Pledge of Allegiance every day. But he was current too; when a student asked a question, he didn't directly give an answer. Rather, he led the whole class to find the answer on their own by asking more questions.

This post can't go on forever, although I'm sure I could write for days. So I'll leave you with perhaps the most important lesson I learned from him. Junior year, our AP Biology class consisted of 10 girls. He liked to call us his sorority. And then we gave ourselves the name Beta Iota Omicron. Had shirts made and everything. Dubbed ourselves the cream of the crop. Ironic, since it was in that class that I truly failed for the first time. (I failed one quiz in the fourth grade, but that was because my teacher hated me and gave me incorrect instructions, so it doesn't really count. I don't like to talk about it.) My failure came in the form of a 46% on a test about the endocrine system. I was distraught. When I went to talk to him about my disappointment and failure, he was unfazed. He said it so shortly and sweetly, that I didn't even realize that I had just been given the biggest piece of wisdom I would ever need in life. He told me that failing is just a part of learning. And it only makes you want to learn more.

On my honor, I will try...

...to blog at least three times per week.

Kashmir and I made this pact with each other last night via Skype. Or maybe it was BBM. Regardless, we both agree that we enjoy writing and sharing it with the world (and by world we mean the collective dozen people who read our blogs).

Which brings me to another point that has been central in my life this week. My future. In a meeting with my boss this week he straight up asked me what I see in my future. And I didn't have a good answer because of two reasons:

A. There are SO MANY things I want to do that I don't really have a definitive life plan just yet.

and

2. I'm choosing to not make plans and just see where I end up.

But I have realized over the last two days that I for sure want to be a writer at some point in life. I want to write novels and memoirs and nonfiction and recipe books and how-tos. A little bit ofeverything, just to keep everyone guessing. But I suppose that for now, I'll see if I can manage the three posts per week!

So Many Books, So Little Time!

I adore books. Reading them, buying them, smelling them, organizing them, and most of all, sharing them! I also have a bad habit of buying more books than I have time to read. But lately I've been making a concerted effort to knock some of those books off my list. This week I finished two different books, both of which I thought were great reads and would happily recommend them to anyone.

First, is Eat, Pray, Love. For a long time, I wasn't sure how I felt about this book. I wasn't really sold on all the hype nor was I even that drawn to it just by the front cover. But the book was lent to me by a friend's mom, and I finally got around to cracking it open. It turns out it was better than I expected. It was slow in parts and I got frustrated with the author's whining a few times, but overall it was a really cool story. Not many people get the chance to experience all the different cultures she did. And my favorite part of the book is that while she does her own soul searching, I as the reader found that I was doing a little of my own. So if you get a chance to read it, do so. It probably won't be your favorite book ever, but will definitely get you thinking!

And second, is a book called The Inn at Lake Devine. It was lent to me by a coworker in what she likes to call her inter-office book club. Basically, we send books to each other through the inter-office mail that we think each other will enjoy. This book is set in the sixties and seventies and follows a stubborn Jewish girl who refuses to be told no, she can't visit this New England resort because Jews really aren't welcome there. So she makes a friend at summer camp and gets invited along with her family, which sparks a long series of events that lands our beloved main character [and narrator] in the midst of tragedy and awkwardness and a torrid love affair all at once. I started reading this book back at the end of June. And then accidentally left it at my parents' house in New York on the 4th of July. So they recently brought it back to me and I picked it up the other night before bed. I couldn't stop turning the pages. I was literally up until almost 2AM, dying to find out what was happening next. Needless to say, it was a quick, easy, and delightful read.

I know I didn't originally intend for this blog to be about books. But there are some I just can't keep to myself!!