Last Will and Testament

I'm trying to be productive today and clean out my email inbox. It's currently sitting at 3300+ messages, only two of which are unread. But even that is a misnomer because they have in fact been read, and then marked unopened so I can easily find them tomorrow.

Anyway, I came across what is perhaps my favorite email of all time. Well, it definitely ranks in the top two. So I thought I would share this with you. I received it on a warm August afternoon from none other than Ms. Kashmir Simmons, who was on a train to New York City:

To: Bekah, Doria, Marisa, Mike

CC: Samantha

Subject: If I die...

The conductor just said that the signals are down between wilmington and philadelphia, and that traffic is intense. If I die in a train crash, Samantha is responsible for all of my stuff. She has been cc'd in this email.

Doria: you can have my thor hammer

Marisa: you can have my twentieth anniversary edition of Dazed and Confused

Ben: (who is not copied on this email) can have my car BUT he can never sell it ever. Otherwise it defaults to Mike B bc of that one time he got stuck in the back seat and made me laugh until I almost peed myself in the la tolteca parking lot.

Mike B: you can have my sombrero and chili pepper necklace: wear them well.

Joe Bundy: (who is not copied on this email) that dress. And he has to wear it to my ashes spreading ceremony. WITH THE COWBOY HAT!

Bekah: you can have my copies of "the help," "1000 white women," and "the sugar queen." Also: my lotr and star wars paraphernalia.

Matt: (who is not copied on this email) you can have my medieval times sword. I know you will wield it with dignity and honor.

Farewell my friends! I have loved you all dearly!

Love,

Kashmir

P.s. My train is running late.